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Thursday, October 29, 2020

31 Stunning Lessons from the book "Quiet" by Susan Cain


'Quiet' is a 2012 non-fiction book written bSusan Cain. She argues that modern Western culture misunderstands and undervalues the traits and capabilities of introverted people, leading to a colossal waste of talent, energy, and happiness.

The book presents a history of how Western culture transformed from a culture of character to a culture of personality in which an "extrovert ideal" dominates and introversion is viewed as inferior. 

Quiet outlines the advantages and disadvantages of each temperament, emphasizing the myth of the extrovert ideal dominance.

I, hereby, list down the 31 stunning lessons from this awesome book. These are the examples that stuck with me. I know that I need to keep practicing this learning day in and day out. These learning are worded and appended in a way that makes it easier for most of us to understand and absorb...

If you are interested in reading about such learning from other all-time best selling books, you may click here.

31 Stunning Lessons from the Book

1/ Can we be shy and courageous at the same time?

2/ An extrovert taking a stand in society will never have the same impact as an introvert shy person rising to the exigency and taking a stand. The extrovert is needed to take the cause further ahead. Both personalities are complementary, just like liberals and conservatives, heads, and tails - no one is lesser than the other.

3/ Velocity and volume of speech are given undue importance, though there is zero correlation between the gift of gab and good ideas.

4/ A vast majority of teachers believe that their ideal student is an extrovert. Even our educational institutes and corporate world is designed to foster group culture.

5/ I cannot express how difficult it is for introverts to take stock of their own talents, and how powerful it is when they do.

6/ Introverts do enjoy parties and meetings, but after a while, wish they were at home in their pajamas. They prefer to device their social energies to close friends and family. They listen more than they talk, think before they speak, and often feel as if they express themselves better in writing than in conversations. they tend to dislike conflict but love deep discussions. 

7/ Shyness and Introversion have no correlation. Either of an introvert or an extrovert can be shy. The mental state of a shy extrovert sitting in a business meeting may be very different from a calm extrovert. While this shy extrovert is afraid to speak up, the introvert is just over-stimulated and needs time to gather his thoughts, plan and then speak up. But to the outside world, they may appear to be the same.

8/ There is no such thing as a pure introvert or a pure extrovert. We are a mix of personalities and react differently to different situations.

9/ Our society has moved on from a culture of character (discipline and honour were key) to a culture of personality (how others perceive you is the key - bold, entertaining, performer). That is how we judge people now - by their personalities. This has exposed us to many personal anxieties from where it is almost impossible to recover. We had permanently moved from inside to the outside.

10/ We started to develop a culture of personality because of entirely selfish reasons - as a way of outshining the crowd in a competitive world. But today, we tend to think that being an extrovert not only makes us successful but also makes us better people.

11/ The 'Winner's Curse' is a clear example of how a group is driven by the most vocal and assertive people. Such extrovert people are good at getting their way, but that, of course, may not be the right way at all.

12/ People in the companies boards are, sadly, usually not the people with the best ideas, but the people with the best presentation skills.

13/ Both leadership styles are needed. Extrovert leaders enhance group performance when employees are passive, but introverted leaders are more effective with proactive employees.

14/ Righteous behaviour is the good that we do behind the doors when there is no one to watch or praise us.

15/ As Stephen Wozniak, co-founder of Apple along with Steve Jobs, says, you are going to be best able to design your revolutionary products and features when you are working alone - not in a committee, not in a team.

16/ Introverts prefer to work independently, and solitude is a catalyst to innovation. Take any group of people who have been very creative throughout their lifetimes, you are likely to find a majority of them as introverts. Newton was one of the world's greatest introvert.

17/ Leadership does not apply only to social situations, but also in more solitary situations such as developing new techniques in arts, making scientific breakthroughs and writing profound books.

18/ Repeated studies have found that people learned and thought much better during a quiet walk through the woods rather than a walk through a crowded street.

19/ Companies are implementing special days like 'No Talk Thursdays' where employees are not allowed to talk to each other, so as to boost innovation and creativity.

20/ Most effective teams and leadership structures comprise a healthy mix of introverts and extroverts.

21/ Introverts are more sensitive to both extremes. They feel more guilty when things go wrong. In our culture, guilt is a tainted word but is one of the building blocks of conscience. A toddler who has broken someone else's toy, and feels guilty, is less likely to break rules or cheat, even when he knows he cannot be caught. That's because his conscience has caught up, and is driving his behaviour now.
This reminds of another beautiful book - The Kite Runner by Khalid Hosseini

22/ There is nothing to be embarrassed about embarrassment. Embarrassment is a moral emotion that shows a person's humility and modesty and a desire to make peace by bringing people together. Embarrassment reveals that how much a person cares for the rules that bind us together.

23/ Introverts are much better at making a plan, sticking to it, and being very disciplined and committed - all ingredients to build massive long term wealth.

24/ Extroverts create buzz. Buzz is something that fires us up to work towards our goal. It encourages us to take chances, give speeches, etc. That is what Extroverts are mostly good at. But assuming that it is always good to accentuate positive emotions is incorrect. A lot of anti-social and self-defeating behaviour results from amplifying positive emotions e.g. becoming so passionately positive about your team or group that a defeat becomes unacceptable. We have heard of such crowds destroying public property during defeats. Buzz also causes us to ignore genuine warning signals, and this leads to bias, which can be potentially dangerous in stock markets and many other areas of personal and professional life. The biggest wealth creators are, therefore, introverts, be it Warren Buffet or Bill Gates

25/ Whether it was the Enron bankruptcy or the 2008 global financial crisis, each time, there were too many extroverts (risk takers) occupying key positions at the top of decision-making bodies. The problem is not in extroverts occupying top positions, but in absolutely ignoring the advice of introverts.

26/ Introverts are geared to inspect and Extroverts are geared to respond. Unless we form a homogenous team - extroverts driving, and introverts providing valuable inputs- where each one's opinion is valued, we are likely to head towards a disaster.

27/ Extroverts create buzz. Introverts are persistent. Persistence is not very glamorous, while the buzz is. We love its flash and dazzle. But the power lies in persisting. Not that buzz isn't important, but we tend to give it more important than what it should get. Both are important We need to find a balance.

28/ Success in investing doesn't correlate with your IQ. Once you have ordinary intelligence, what you only need is a temperament to control the urges that get other people into trouble when investing.

29/ Western culture is organised around an individual. On the other hand, the Asian culture (especially the east Asian) is organised around groups where the individual often subordinates their own desires to the group interests. No surprise that the densest extroverts are in the USA and Europe and the East Asian countries are densely packed with introverts.

30/ Most of our schools and colleges are designed for extroverts. Academic classes are dominated by group discussions, in which a teacher prods the student to speak up. Cafeterias are always crowded where you need to be a part of a group. There is hardly any time to think or create - the essentials for an introvert. The purpose of their school has to be to prepare the children for the rest of their lives, and not make the daily schooling itself a struggle. Children blossom only when they are engaged in occupations, roles or settings that are conducive to their personalities.

31/ True self-esteem comes from competence. As young children, Extroverts often skate from one hobby or activity to another, while introverts often stick with their enthusiasm - provided parents let them be. And if they are allowed to pursue their life the way they wish to, they end with this great advantage of high self-esteem. 

Hope these 31 stunning lessons will help shape up your thought process to some extent and help you lead a better life.

Don't have time to read the entire book? 
Then, you can read the crux of some of the best selling books ever written.
If you are interested in reading about such learning from other 'all-time best selling books', you may click here.

Regards

Manoj Arora

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