Sunday morning, 8:30am, I was back after my daily morning fitness drill and was just relaxing on my bed. Lying upside down on my stomach, with my face staring the bedroom wall, I was thinking about the important tasks of this beautiful weekend day.
Just when I was about to get up to get going on my To Do list for the day, my daughter came by the side of the bed and also lay down along side me, in the same upside down straight pose - staring at the wall. After a few seconds, both of us looked at each other and smiled. She is used to getting up early even on a weekend, unlike her younger sibling, who sounded us yesterday night itself that no disturbance till 11 am today. Each child is so beautifully different. Enjoy every difference --> http://elevate-your-life.blogspot.in/2015/06/enjoy-differences.html
"Yes dear, how can I help you?" I knew it instantly that she has a situation at hand else she will not usually come and lie down relaxed.
"I have a question." She asked, with both of us still facing the wall in front of our bed.
"Go ahead please."
"Dad, I have a speech to deliver on Monday morning. Though I have prepared for it well, I am not sure why I am still tensed?"
"That's just so normal. Everyone has an element of fear at some stage of our life. However there are a few things you can ponder on - which can make you feel a bit more relaxed. These fundamental principles of life are relevant not only to eliminate the fear of speech but any kind of fear in life."
"Wow, what are those?"
"Here you go:
1. Action Will Remove Fear.
The biggest antidote to fear is action because the first thing action does is, that it kills procrastination.
Action..action..action.
Rigorous action will remove any kind of fear. If you are afraid of going to the doctor, just pick up the phone and book your appointment. This simple act will result in instant fear reduction. Go and meet the doctor at the prescribed time, take the medicine - your fear is all gone. Try it out. It is simple, yet we make it complicated by thinking too much about it. If you are afraid of your exam, pick up your toughest subject and start practising that. If you are afraid of entering into a meeting with the client, just get to know more about the subject of the meeting or the background of the client and participants. Here is why action works so well against fear.
Our mind needs to focus somewhere.
By taking action, you are directing your mind to focus on the solution, else it is natural for the mind to continue to focus on the problem. And mind is a very faithful slave. Wherever it focusses, it enlarges the situation. If it is focussed on the problem, the problem may sound too big, much bigger than what it actually is. Similarly, if you make it focus on the solution, it can come up with awesome ideas, which you never thought possible earlier.
So, if you are afraid of going to the stage and speak in front of a large audience, just start writing your speech script, just start practising your speech in front of me, your sister, your teacher, friends - who so ever - Every action that you take in the context of your situation will remove fear - almost instantly.
"Isolate your fear. Know exactly what you are afraid of, and then take immediate remedial action." ~ Dream On
"Isolate your fear. Know exactly what you are afraid of, and then take immediate remedial action." ~ Dream On
2. Practise Being in the Present
This is a golden rule to eliminate all your worries, stress and anxiety. This is one of the keys to Happiness Unlimited - a state of endless joy where nothing external can snatch away your beloved happiness.
Life, and time, as they say, is only right now. Yesterday is dead and tomorrow is not even born. Make the best use of this very moment.
We suffer from anxiety when someone dear is hospitalised because we tend to rush our thoughts to the future, trying to imagine unforeseen circumstances. We suffer from frustration when we remember our past school and college life, and start comparing it with our life today. Past and Future will hold all the negativity, never your present. So, practise as much being in the present and you will enjoy and love every moment of life, as it unfolds in front of you.
When you are practising for your speech tomorrow, don't bother about the things that happened during the last speech. Also, try and insulate yourself from what is likely to happen in the future if you are unable to deliver a great speech. Such negative thoughts are all in the future or in the past. Happiness resides in the present. Fear resides in past and future.
We suffer from anxiety when someone dear is hospitalised because we tend to rush our thoughts to the future, trying to imagine unforeseen circumstances. We suffer from frustration when we remember our past school and college life, and start comparing it with our life today. Past and Future will hold all the negativity, never your present. So, practise as much being in the present and you will enjoy and love every moment of life, as it unfolds in front of you.
When you are practising for your speech tomorrow, don't bother about the things that happened during the last speech. Also, try and insulate yourself from what is likely to happen in the future if you are unable to deliver a great speech. Such negative thoughts are all in the future or in the past. Happiness resides in the present. Fear resides in past and future.
It is the same with all other aspects of life too !! Try dragging your thoughts from past and future, back into the present.
"Today is your whole life and you must make sure that you live well today" ~ Happiness Unlimited
"Today is your whole life and you must make sure that you live well today" ~ Happiness Unlimited
3. Focus on Effort and not on Results
In spite of our best intent, technique, skill and hard work, it is only the effort that is in our control and never the result. A mundane activity like reaching office in time may not always bear a positive outcome in spite of the same effort being put in. Result, since it is not in our hand, should never be the focus of our attention. Much against the popular norm, Result should never be a criteria of celebration. It should always be the effort, because that is the only thing you control.
Remember your school exams wherein we always go out and celebrate your efforts rather than your results - much before your results are even announced.
If you focus on the effort, and not the result, the fear will just vanish -in a flash. Fear grows from the unknown and uncertainty. Result has all the uncertainty. Effort is more certain, more sure, more known - so bears less fear.
For your speech, therefore, focus on your effort that is required to give the best speech in the world, get equipped, get trained, practise hard and then be satisfied with your effort and celebrate it too - even before you actually deliver the speech. What is the final result should not be your botheration. Best speech or worst speech or anything in between is all relative, and not in your control.
Remember your school exams wherein we always go out and celebrate your efforts rather than your results - much before your results are even announced.
If you focus on the effort, and not the result, the fear will just vanish -in a flash. Fear grows from the unknown and uncertainty. Result has all the uncertainty. Effort is more certain, more sure, more known - so bears less fear.
For your speech, therefore, focus on your effort that is required to give the best speech in the world, get equipped, get trained, practise hard and then be satisfied with your effort and celebrate it too - even before you actually deliver the speech. What is the final result should not be your botheration. Best speech or worst speech or anything in between is all relative, and not in your control.
More abour Results Vs Effort here --> http://elevate-your-life.blogspot.in/2015/03/is-it-celebration-time.html
4. Believe that Everything will happen for the good only
There is nothing that happens in this world for no reason. Even if your speech is a fiasco, remember that it was a good result. It was the intended result. HE wants to teach you something. Learn from it. Move forward.
"Every setback is a little nudge from HIM for us to Dream On" ~ Dream On
HE does not have the time to do casual things in HIS world. Everything is planned in this universe. HE is giving his evidence as a teacher to come and personally guide you in your journey of life. Take his teachings and make the best use of them.
As long as you truly believe that the end result is always for the good, there is no question of any fear.
If you follow the above 4 tips and apply them in your area of fear, I can assure you of positive outcomes. Do let me know how your speech went about.
After 5 days of these tips
My daughter proudly came home and announced that she won the 1st prize in the Speech that she delivered at school.
"That's just awesome. We are all so happy for you dear. When will we see your trophy?"
"Very soon Dad, but I now realise that 1st prize or not, it was my effort which was worth the celebration." She smiled.
Not that she was not excited about winning the 1st prize, but she had learnt a very subtle life skill on conquering fear.
As long as you truly believe that the end result is always for the good, there is no question of any fear.
If you follow the above 4 tips and apply them in your area of fear, I can assure you of positive outcomes. Do let me know how your speech went about.
After 5 days of these tips
My daughter proudly came home and announced that she won the 1st prize in the Speech that she delivered at school.
"That's just awesome. We are all so happy for you dear. When will we see your trophy?"
"Very soon Dad, but I now realise that 1st prize or not, it was my effort which was worth the celebration." She smiled.
Not that she was not excited about winning the 1st prize, but she had learnt a very subtle life skill on conquering fear.
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Cheers
Manoj Arora
Stay happy.... always !!
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Nice post Sir. Beautifully explained. The most loved phrase was "Each child is so beautifully different.Enjoy every difference." I have two daughters and in past I always did the big mistake of comparing elder daughter to my younger one.I understood now each child is unique, made by GOD.Thanx again for a good post Sir.
ReplyDeleteThank you for such nice words Paragrenu :)
DeleteNice post Sir. Beautifully explained. The most loved phrase was "Each child is so beautifully different.Enjoy every difference." I have two daughters and in past I always did the big mistake of comparing elder daughter to my younger one.I understood now each child is unique, made by GOD.Thanx again for a good post Sir.
ReplyDeleteThanks !!
DeleteExcellent article Manoj.... Superab
ReplyDeleteThank you Venkatagiri
DeleteGood article with perfect examples and approach. Sometimes we look for how to guide the child to help to conquer fear, this is something definitely going to help. Again, thanks very much for the nice advise.
ReplyDeleteRegards,
Sunil
Thanks so much Sunil..I am glad it helped you...Cheers !!
Delete