Detach the Duality - to experience bliss

We are not ONE. We are actually TWO entities - each of us.

If you can understand this fact, visualize it, absorb it, believe on it and practice it in your daily life, then you are assured of a blissful life ahead..Read on...

"Dad, how can we be two?...I mean explain me this. I am of course one - I am not two.." My elder one asked me while we were driving to her school. Her younger sibling was dozing off in her adjacent site.

"Tell me the last incident which disturbed you in school.." I asked her.

"Let me think...." she was trying to think of the latest incident that disturbed her in school. After a while, she responded....

"It was when my social science teacher commented that I should have performed better in the exam. She was expecting a full score from me, as always. I did not get full..and someone else got it. She made this remark on me in front of the entire class, and I really did not appreciate it. Her words kept lingering in my mind for the entire day, and through the night. I was disturbed for sure."

"Hmmm..interesting...look at it like this situation this way now.." I told her.

"Whom was the teacher unhappy with?"

"Me of course.." she responded.

"No, there are two entities involved here. It is not only you." I prompted her to think deeper and harder.

"Yes, there are two entities - me and my teacher. And she was not happy with me.."

"No, other than your teacher - there are two entities involved here..think...Who was your teacher unhappy with?"

"Not sure if I understand what you mean by that Dad..please....please explain.."

"OK..in that case - let me try and make an attempt to explain you. There are two entities here. One is you and the other is your performance - these two are absolutely distinct and unique. There is no bonding between these two.

Let me repeat - YOU and Your performance are not the same. YOU are not your performance. Your performance is not you. YOU should not get attached to your performance and consider them as one. You have to actually visualize this like a banana with the peel. You are the banana and your performance is the peel."

"OK, I am not my performance...Hmm...I am separate and my performance is separate entity..OK...i am still brainstorming this concept..."

"Take your time..it is a completely different way to look at things..." I gave her the time she needed, as our car browsed through the early morning traffic towards the school.

She did not respond for a few minutes..

"So, now answer my question..Who was the teacher not happy with?" I nudged her yet again to answer the same question.

"Oh OK...then I would say perhaps both me and my performance."

"No, think again....If your performance was good, she would have had no issues, right?"

"Right.", she said.

"And your teacher was happy with your friend who topped the class?"

"Yes, of course.."

"So, what is your teacher looking for?"

"Good performance..."

"Yes, and nothing else. So, what made her unhappy when she made the remark?"

"My poor performance.."

"So, what is she unhappy with?" I had to keep nudging her. It was important. Certian concepts can be life changing. this sure was one.

"Alright.....My performance..I get that.....but this just seems a great way to convince oneself." she remarked...slowly getting to understand the concept, though not fully convinced yet.

"My dear, this is not just a way to convince yourself. This is the reality of life. Mark this. your teacher is actually not unhappy with you. You should never ever carry any guilt about that. Because YOU are not bad. Your performance could be."

"So Dad, you are saying that I am good, but my performance was not so good."

"Yes, that is the fact. In every disturbing situation in life, remember that there are always two entities - one is YOU - the all powerful, blessed soul - a child of God - flawless, pure, perfect - and the other is where the flaws could be - because the other entity is not a GOD's creation. This other entity is a human creation - and therefore - can be flawed - and at the same time - can also be corrected."

I continued..as we were just 2 traffic signals away from school...

"So, if you are good, but your performance is not - if you think this way, then we can work on improving your performance. You do not need any improvement. Your performance does. This way, you do not lose any confidence, things do not disturb you because you are still good, and pure, and powerful."

Children being children, they test you with life concepts by giving you situations you cannot imagine otherwise.

"Dad, That guy who hit our car last week also disturbed me.." She was testing me now with a situation that had nothing to do with school, and perhaps less to do with her than with me. She was perhaps trying to guage my level of implementation of the concept.

"But I was not disturbed. because he did not hit me, he hit my car. I am absolutely clear that Me and My car are very different. I am not attached to my car. If you get attached, you get disturbed..because it feels that the guy has hit you...plain and simple." I tried to explain my perspective to her.

"So, are you saying that attachment is not a good thing?"

"If you attach anything impure to a pure entity, do you think it is good?" I cross questioned her.

"No, I do not think so.."

"So that is what attachment does. It makes you - the pure creation, that much impure. Detachment is what you need to practice. The more you are detached, the more happy you live your life."

"But Dad, won't that mean not caring about things? I mean if I am detached from my school performance, won,t my performance degrade? I mean, Will I not stop caring for my performance then?"

"It is just the other way round my dear, the only way to improve your performance is to detach yourself from it. The moment you detach, you understand that you have all the power, capability and that you are not guilty. Your self confidence goes up. You are not disturbed in your mind. You are relaxed. This is the state of mind you need to think what needs to be done to improve your performance, to put a strategy in place and then act upon it. A disturbed mind cannot think this rationally. It can only do one thing - make mistakes."

"Dad..this is really interesting actually...Can I practice this in every situation?"

"Of course..."

We touched the school gate and came out to hug them and see them off for another beautiful day ahead. I hope she will get enough introspecting time during the day.

In the afternoon, while picking them up from school, we continued with our discussion further...

"OK, you know Dad, I hate someone in my class. Every time I see that girl, I get angry because she has been stealing a few things...She does not agree with that claim and we have no evidence other than the fact that I have seen her in the act once. And I just hate that..Can I overcome this feeling of hatred by practicing detachment?"

"Yes, if you start practicing seeing everyone also as two entities...then you can deal with the situation much better.."

"How do I do that Dad?"

"Remember this. The first entity is that beautiful girl - a God's creation, just like you and me and everyone else on this planet. On the other hand, the second entity are the habits of that girl - which she needs to improve. So, what you actually do not like her are her habits and not the girl herself. If you can practice this duality - you will slowly start loving her, though you may not like a specific habit in her. You will talk to her like a friend. Whens she feels loved, she will definitely do her bit to improve her habits to be up to your expectations."

"What if she does not improve at all?"

"She does not need any improvement. :) you see, it is all so deeply ingrained that it is difficult to detach her from her habits. But it will come by practice. In any case, in the end - whether she improves or not is her efforts. You will always continue to love her for being the first entity. This practice will ensure that you do not get disturbed whenever you see her."

"Amazing  - let me try this from tomorrow.."

"Sure, but let me warn you - while you may like what i told you - it is going to take a lot of practice to be able to start visualizing people, including yourself, as two entities - rather than one. Use these Destiny Cards. They will help you in your practice."

"Amazing Dad, thanks !"

After a few days, one evening at home...

"Didi, you always waste so much of paper...you could have used the back side as well. You are always like that...", slammed the younger sister to her.

She was about to suitably respond her younger one, when she remembered that her younger sister was not one  - she was she and her habits - both detached from each other. Her younger sister is not frustrated at her, she is not blaming her. She is is pointing at her habit and not her. She is a beautiful creation of God. She loves her but she may not like her habit. And yes this habit needs to improve.I am going to work on improving this habit sis...thanks for pointing it out."

The younger one is still dismayed on this non typical response from the elder one. She was expecting a strong counter argument to her provocation. 

"What is this happening dad?", the younger one came in the room and asked me, while narrating the incident. 

I told her, "It is detachment at work. You want to try that out?"

"No...", she remarked. Her time has not yet come...

Summary

Practicing detachment will make you stronger, better and a happier person. And who does not like a cheerful person? 

Feeling guilty about yourself? - Practice detachment among your dual role. 

Angry at someone? - Practice detachment on the duality of the other person. 

Detach the Duality in each one of us to experience bliss. Lead a happier life - for that is the main purpose of your existence.

Cheers

Manoj Arora

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