Wednesday, July 15, 2015

The Art of Learning from Mistakes

There is either success or learning. There is nothing called as failure. Many of us understand this by now, and most leaders and positive thinkers would say that they learn from every failure. But hold on, there is 'art' in learning too. It is not that simple to learn.
Learning can be revengeful, promising or self transforming. It all depends on why we want to learn...read on...

"He shouted at me in front of everyone in the party. I am not going to talk to him ever again. It was so embarrassing and hurting" said Sandeep to his wife.

"What happened?" asked a visibly disturbed wife.

"We were having some office discussions in the party and Rajesh, insensitive as he is, started shouting at me, as if he was my boss."

"I don't know what was the background of this discussion. Was it continuing from your office?"

"What background, he is just so insensitive. He could have taken me in a corner and discussed, but shouting in front of all the guests....Unless he comes to me and apologises, there is no question of talking to him ever again. He does not deserve the respect I give him."

Sandeep faces a difficult situation, and he learns from it. He learns that the 'offender' does not deserve to be talked ever gain, that the offender needs to learn to be more sensitive of what he says in public. Well, that's what happens with most of us. We all face tough situations, or failures in life, and more often than not, our morality tells us to learn from those situations, and we do learn, just like Sandeep learnt. But what did Sandeep learn? He learnt that the offender should be avoided in future, unless he changes his attitude. Right?

Is that what he was supposed to learn? Is that how we learn? Is this 'learning'? 

The above scenario is actually a strange learning, a learning which expects Rajesh to change. This is a learning which blames the other party for the setback. Rajesh may or may not change ultimately. In fact, Rajesh may have his own 'valid' reason to justify his behaviour. What did we learn then, if Rajesh actually does not change. Nothing. 

We did not learn because we remained in the same state, as a person, as we were before the incident. Rather, even worse, as we have one more spoilt relationship to our account. We did not learn anything for ourselves. We learnt it for others, and others are highly unlikely to change,isn't it? We missed out on the 'art of learning'. We did not learn to transform 'ourselves'.

In exactly the same situation, Varun faces a hostile Kapil and this is what he learns.

"Kapil was really shouting. He must have been really disturbed today."

"Wasn't it embarrassing for you, to be shouted at in the public?" asked his wife.

"Well, I don't know. Maybe, it was, if I start thinking about what others would be thinking about me. But what I have learnt in life is that it does not matter what others think about me, what matters is what I think about myself. I learnt and became stronger in this conviction today. I prevented creating hurt for myself. I prevented my happiness from being leaked away. I learnt to be stronger in defending my happiness because of this incident. I learnt."

Now, that's what I would call as learning from a negative situation. This is the learning for the self - a learning that transforms the person who learns - makes him or her a better person. This is the 'art of learning' - to search in every setback as to how that setback can help us transform to become better every time, rather than blaming others and expecting them to change.

I narrated the above two stories to my elder daughter which not only taught her the importance of learning from setbacks but also the 'art' of learning from setbacks.

We were just about to leave our home for an evening dinner followed by a late night movie, and were all dressed up for the purpose. Since most of us were decently dressed, the younger one, as always, came with an idea of taking everyone's snap. I was not very enthusiastic about the younger one taking the snap since I knew she was not very good at taking quality pictures. Not taking any chances to spoil her mood, I reluctantly handed over my smartphone to her. We posed, and she clicked thrice. Since we were getting late, we immediately rushed to our car.

We had a great dinner and a family outing. The movie was good too. We came back quite late, changed into our night clothing, and were about to go to bed. The younger one had already slept while on the way back. Then I thought of at least looking at the pictures the younger one took while we were about to leave. As expected, they were hazy and unclear. She, perhaps, has that habit of moving the camera immediately after she clicks. I had told her so many times to stay still for 1-2 seconds before and after taking any snap. And she faltered...yet again.

"Next time, you take the snap." I told the elder one. "She still needs to learn to stay still. Perhaps she gets excited and cannot stay still."

"Dad, is that what we learn from this small setback?"

I gazed at the elder one. There was something coming from her after our couple of stories in the morning. 

"Means? What do you want to say? Shall we continue to allow her to miss those precious memories? And it is not that we haven't explained her earlier, but she continues to repeat the same mistake."

"But Dad, whatever be the case, this cannot be a true learning for you. The learning that she will not click the photograph is not as per the 'art of learning' you taught me today morning itself."

"Do you have any other idea?"

"Yes Dad, if at all there has to be a learning in this case, it has to be for you. Thats what I learnt from your morning lesson. The 'art' is to find what is in the scenario for us to learn. I have a suggestion here."

"Go ahead."

"Knowing that the younger one is likely to click a hazy snap, why can't you check for the result then and there, and in case it is not appropriate, ask her to take another shot. That way, the onus of the quality of photograph comes on you, because you are responsible to check the snap. Also, this gives many more opportunities for the younger one to learn. I feel only this can be termed as 'learning' in the true sense."

I felt guilty and impressed at the same time. Guilty, for not implementing what I was preaching today morning, but impressed by the speed at which the elder one had embraced the message. Knowing a fact is one thing, implementing it in every small act of life is completely different, and it does take a pure soul to interpret it that way.

Today, I truly learnt the 'art of learning' from setbacks. In every setback, I need to transform and become better. I need to find what needs to change in me to prevent a similar setback next time. Setback was for me, so the learning has to be for me. That is how I will grow, that's why this setback came in my life. And if I don't learn and transform, similar setbacks will keep coming, until I learn. 

That is HIS way of teaching us. What a great master HE is.

 If you like the article, feel proud to share it, and increase your chain of positivity.

The book Happiness Unlimited shows you many such lessons to lead a happier, contented life.

Cheers

Manoj Arora
Stay happy.... always !! 

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