Let us do a simple exercise to get a grip of what we are trying to say.
Preparation
Preparation
- Sit alone in a room.
- Now, take a pen and a piece of paper. Don't read on, unless you have a pen and paper with you. This exercise will not be effective, if you are attempting to do it only in your mind. So, i reiterate. Please take a pen and paper in your hand.
- You are also not authorized to take help from anyone around you to complete this exercise.
Phase-I
Now, start to write down "your own" 5 good qualities and 5 weaknesses. You can write either of them first. Make sure you keep a note of the time you are taking to write them. You have to write 5, not less. Once you are done, keep this paper aside. Move on to the next phase of the exercise only after you are done with this.
Phase-II
Now, take a fresh piece of paper, and start writing down 5 good qualities and 5 weaknesses of "your spouse" (or a very close friend, brother or sister). Please be explicitly clear of the person for whom you are writing it for. Again, you can write either of them first. Observe the time you are taking to write them.
Results
Unless you have been an exception, in most cases, it has been observed that it is much faster and easier to write down the qualities / weaknesses of the other person than of yourself. Think about what happened in your case. You probably know more about the other person than you know about yourself. Similarly, other people seem to know more about you. But i don't know that much about myself. Ponder on this for a little while. How good is this situation?
So, you go to office one day. One colleague says that you are a useless person as far as project reporting is concerned. The other person says that your project reports are by far the best. What do you infer from such contrasting statements from two different people about you? The truth can only be one - either you are good or you are not. So, how do you conclude whether you are good or not in project reporting.
Phase-II
Now, take a fresh piece of paper, and start writing down 5 good qualities and 5 weaknesses of "your spouse" (or a very close friend, brother or sister). Please be explicitly clear of the person for whom you are writing it for. Again, you can write either of them first. Observe the time you are taking to write them.
Results
Unless you have been an exception, in most cases, it has been observed that it is much faster and easier to write down the qualities / weaknesses of the other person than of yourself. Think about what happened in your case. You probably know more about the other person than you know about yourself. Similarly, other people seem to know more about you. But i don't know that much about myself. Ponder on this for a little while. How good is this situation?
So, you go to office one day. One colleague says that you are a useless person as far as project reporting is concerned. The other person says that your project reports are by far the best. What do you infer from such contrasting statements from two different people about you? The truth can only be one - either you are good or you are not. So, how do you conclude whether you are good or not in project reporting.
Remember that someone can say good about you, even if they don't feel it from inside. On the other hand, someone may say the worst thing about you just because that person had a fight with their boss or their spouse a few hours back. Therefore, the inputs coming to you may not be factually correct. Look at what you are doing with these factually incorrect inputs? You are using the lies and frustrations of people to motivate or demotivate yourself, isn't it? You have nothing in your control. Think about it. If someone says you are bad, you feel bad. If someone says you are exceptional, you feel good.
We are so dependent on what other people say, only because we do not know enough about our self, or we trust the other people's opinion about us, more than our own opinion. We just saw that we cannot trust the other person's judgment of us, because they will always speak from their own perceptions about us, their own life situations (their own reasons, frustrations etc..), their own personalities and sanskars. Someone who has a negative outlook towards life, is likely to sound negative to us as well. It is like people are seeing us through their own colored glasses. What they will see and say about me, is based on the color of the glass they are wearing.
We are so dependent on what other people say, only because we do not know enough about our self, or we trust the other people's opinion about us, more than our own opinion. We just saw that we cannot trust the other person's judgment of us, because they will always speak from their own perceptions about us, their own life situations (their own reasons, frustrations etc..), their own personalities and sanskars. Someone who has a negative outlook towards life, is likely to sound negative to us as well. It is like people are seeing us through their own colored glasses. What they will see and say about me, is based on the color of the glass they are wearing.
So, what some one else says about you (whether good or bad) is NOT likely to be the truth. It is not the true you. So, who knows the true YOU? IT is only and only you who know the true you. Isn't it?
You must know your true talents and skills (e.g. dancing, voice, music, sports etc..) as well as qualities (e.g. honesty, politeness, loving, caring etc..). You better know what are your strengths as well as your areas of improvements. Once you know that, then you are insulated from false appreciations or frustrating demotivating statements from others. The power comes back in my hands - the same power that was given way to others till now.
You must know your true talents and skills (e.g. dancing, voice, music, sports etc..) as well as qualities (e.g. honesty, politeness, loving, caring etc..). You better know what are your strengths as well as your areas of improvements. Once you know that, then you are insulated from false appreciations or frustrating demotivating statements from others. The power comes back in my hands - the same power that was given way to others till now.
So, you do not fluctuate either ways (low or high) with public opinion, thus leading to stability in your thoughts. Stable thoughts conserve power and energy. Once you feel powerful, bringing any change or transformation within you also becomes easier. Talk to yourself, know about yourself and lead a stable happy life.
Summary
Summary
- Everyone i meet has an opinion about me
- I have always created my self image depending upon what people think about me
- Its now time to know myself
- People are saying what they say from their own perspectives, own sanskars. This may not be the truth.
- But what is the truth? The truth is only what i know about myself.
- Let me take this moment to see my qualities - love, compassion, honesty, loyalty, empathy, harmony, happiness, power.
- Let me also see my weaknesses. Let me just take one of them.
- Today, as i move through the day, i am aware of my weakness and my qualities
- Now, i pay attention in every interaction, i use my quality consciously choosing to use it everywhere, every time with everyone.
Read more about what is inside you
Chapter 7.1 ~ Power of Happiness is inside you - Happiness Unlimited (the book) - Launching April 2014.
Chapter 7.1 ~ Power of Happiness is inside you - Happiness Unlimited (the book) - Launching April 2014.
Cheers
Manoj Arora
You are entitled to happiness unlimited !!
Nice article.
ReplyDeleteThanks Rajiv
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