Do you want to break free from societal expectations and embrace their true selves?
Read on...
"The Courage to Be Disliked" has become a bestseller, with millions of copies sold worldwide. It has resonated with readers seeking practical guidance on achieving happiness and self-fulfillment.
The book's accessible style and profound insights have made it a popular choice for those interested in psychology and personal development.
After having read the book page by page, I, hereby, list down 35 thrilling lessons from this awesome book.
These are the examples that stuck with me.
These learnings are worded and appended in a way that makes it easier for most of us to understand and absorb.
If you are interested in reading about such learning from other all-time best-selling books, you may click here.
For now, if you wish to know about 'The Courage to be Disliked', and what I learned from it, here you go...
1. Past doesn't matter in Adlerian psychology. Don't think about past events or try to find a cause for your present. Rather, think about your present goals.
2. Etiology is the study of causes. Teleology is the explanation of phenomena in terms of the purpose they serve rather than of the cause by which they arise. As long as we stay in etiology, we won't take a single step forward. Teleology is forward looking.
3. If you are suffering - physically or mentally, you should be less interested in the causes but more in the purposeful steps ahead. There's nothing called as "trauma" in Adlerian psychology.
4. As per Teleology, each one of us are living in line with some goals, all the time.
5. When we are angry, we are mentally sick. Instead of looking at the cause, we must understand that we are fulfilling a goal, and we are fabricating anger so that people can listen to our feelings - which is our goal at the moment whenever things don't go as per our liking.
6. Anger is thought of as an uncontrolled instantaneous emotion, but the fact is that we control it. If we are angry and someone comes home, we hide it, and we resurface it once the guest is gone.
7. Emotions exist but we are not controlled by them.
8. Regardless of what happened in the past, it is the meaning we attribute to it today that matters.
9. We want to be like a person X because we feel that it will make us happy. This also means that we are not happy right now. And that's because we haven't learnt to love ourselves. And since we don't love ourselves, we want to change our self and become X
10. We are not machines. We don't need replacement but renewal.
11. Unhappiness is a choice that we took at some stage of our life to accomplish some of our goal.
12. We choose our current lifestyle every moment. It's like driving an old car. We are subconsciously comfortable with it and don't want to change, though we may always say that we wish for a new car. We are deciding ourselves and fooling ourselves. One wants to change but one is also comfortable in the so-called unhappy present.
13. Adlerian psychology doesn't blame the past or the present circumstances. If we are unable to change, it's only because we lack the courage to change.
14. You don't need to be alone to feel lonely. In fact, loneliness is felt only when there are people around you, and you feel excluded from those group of people.
15. Feelings of inferiority are subjective interpretations rather than objective facts. You can interpret a situation in zillions of ways. These feelings are driven by comparisons and interpretation of those comparisons.
16. Feelings of inferiority is often a result of our natural pursuit for superiority. We all start from a state of helplessness and continuously wish to have goals and grow. In certain areas, when we can't pursue superiority, we feel inferior.
17. Feeling of inferiority can be a big motivator to get better. It's a negative energy but can be transformed.
18. The only challenge is that people get caught in the inferiority complex and don't feel that they can do better. They make feeling of inferiority as an excuse not to move forward. They lack the courage to move ahead.
19. The one who boasts is usually suffering from a feeling of inferiority
20. Love doesn't bound. Rather, it frees. Restrictions, on the other hand, shows distrust.
21. If you are not living your life for yourself, then who is going to live it for you. Taking care of oneself, loving oneself is the most important element of your life.
22. Education by reward and punishment is self-defeating. We learn to do the right things for rewards and continue to do the wrong things if there is no punishment. If there is no reward, we will cease to do the right things.
23. If we are living a life on others' expectations, we are essentially living their lives.
24. All interpersonal troubles are caused by intruding on other people's tasks. Studying is a kid's task, not parents. Getting fit is the task of an unhealthy husband, not his wife. No intrusion in anyone's tasks. The recipient of the end result of a task is the owner of the task and no one else.
25. If you intervene in other people's tasks and make them your own, you will lead a very heavy life.
26. The key to happiness lies in the courage to be disliked.
27. Etiology thinking: My relationship with my father is bad because he hit me during childhood days. Teleology thinking: I brought out the memory of being hit because I didn't want my relationship with my father to get better, rather use that as an excuse for any failure in my life.
28. When you change in a relationship, don't make a goal that someone else would also change. They may or may not. It's up to them. Your goal is you changing. Rest is beyond you.
29. You are not the center of the world. You are just one member in the massive community of universe.
30. All interpersonal relationships should be horizontal, like with a friend.
31. Instead of praising (which is based on vertical relationships), try to encourage (based on horizontal relationships) people. Make everyone like your friend. That's horizontal.
32. Words like Thank you are encouraging. Praise, on the other hand, is a judgment from someone else.
33. Self-acceptance is far better than Self affirmations. Latter can be unrealistic and can create a lack of faith in our affirmations. Rather, accept everything and try to do one step better.
34. Happiness comes from the feeling of self-value or worthiness for someone in the society.
35. Have the courage to be normal. Being normal is not being incapable. It's about self-acceptance.
- Book: Happiness Unlimited
- Book: A Father's Diary
- Book: Dream On!
- Blogpost: 15 Messages from the Book "The Art of Thinking Clearly"
If you are interested in reading about such learning from other all-time best-selling books, you may click here.
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Thank you so much for sharing this post. Warm greetings from Montreal, Canada.
ReplyDeleteFollow ling you for 5+ years now, keep up good work Sir
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